Staying relevant in an impersonal world has been the motivation for my challenge to repurpose and reinvent my life. Separated from the inspirational and creative stimulation that can be a positive aspect of personal and professional growth, the distracting balances of nonproductive influences that reveal that being out of the mainstream of life Is very limiting and isolating. When you think that WHAT YOU WANT MOST IS PRIVACY, you quickly become aware of just how untrue that desire actually is and how it negatively impacts your life> I formerly foolishly assumed that I was creatively talented ala naturally? I simply as a visual person could create and appreciate all that I was exposed to. Now I realize the values of that stimulation more than ever before, now that I am once removed from the social and professional activities that I neglected to acknowledge, respect and honor? My once very broad intuitive sense of the universe provided me with a vast spectrum of creativity that allowed me to soar. Everything seemingly fell into place, as I proceed to make everything I imagined a reality, knowing no bounds financially, morally, politically, socially or spiritually. I was a free spirit that learned all too quickly how to navigate through obstacles that would have stopped less courageous contemporaries in their tracks. While my core value system lacked discipline and structure, I somehow experienced measures of commercial and material success, which I know realize that I owe to the natural instinct of curiosity? The chiastic of being naturally curious, led my on a road of experimentation in applying what my talent would bring to the attention of the world? So to think that I would now want privacy is in direct conflict with the person I once knew. I examine that theory every day, is search for the factors the define my change? The short answer is that I now lack the stimulation of a very active existence that found balance for the rush of ambition, validation and sought out appreciation and adulation? Influenced by attending and actively participating in Current events, social activities and personal experiences all cultivated a well-rounded personality that exuded outward confidence and intelligence. The solitude of inactivity exposed that fraudulent persona today? Traveling extensively to other countries and experiencing visual art in varying forms, architecture, life-style influences, social and cultural routines that adapt to climates of political and religious persuasions are luxuries that I now cherish? The experiences are more than memories as I was in the moment at every port of call, paying attention to details and journalin
g into a catalog of analysis and activism. Drawn to physical beautiful, intrigue, adventure and vision, I obsessively and compulsively would indulge, insatiable, void of any semblance of hesitation, until I felt completely satisfied that it was indeed time to move on. Now, being physically removed from all stimulation, I can see the value in my former existence. I can remember as a younger person, lacking self-confidence and being very insecure to the point of being emotionally abused by friends and family. When I got my breakthrough, there was no turning back as I naively forged ahead and bullied my way through life. Going back to academia has revealed to me how a synchronized combination of wisdom, luck, maturity, emotional / moral support and intelligence could have greatly influenced my life today. I am a collection of all of those attributes and recognizing them has gifts and award along with the scarring is actually a significant part of my growth. Today my afterthoughts are what I call day mares as my thoughts are continually and consistently haunted by my many mistakes and lost opportunities due to timing and mismanagement. Now my polluted brain of ideas and the stark reality that 90% of them will never be realized makes me even more committed to leave a catalog of original ideas and concepts in humanity that will help in laughter, commerce and philanthropy. I fantasize about launch that big one that will indeed meet my benchmark of staying relevant, productive and providing a purpose that validates my life as the purpose God intended for it. I hope to remove the sting of failure; regret and remorse form my profile? Oh Lord, Hear My Prayer! In the title of a Cindy Lauper song Time After Time, I am now mindful that removing yourself from the direct stimuli that defined your creative persona as a elective, undermines the intellectual process and memories of past tenses cannot bridge the void that is a product of that unwise decision. The healthier choice would be to replace those resources instead of abandoning who you are. I envisioned myself as the owner/ curator of an art gallery, Interior design firm, author and real estate investor, all disciplines that have history in? Being dormant for a decade has cost me dearly as I struggle to remember former suppliers, vendors and resources, their goods, products and services that best represented my professional profile? Stay involved fight for your core to weigh lightly to remain on top of the sand instead of disappearing into it from the weight gain, direct result from the inactivity of stagnating irrelevance from falling perfectly STILL a causality lack of from competency not age. FIN